he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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