Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
