I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
