fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
