making cat noises will not fix the situation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
