Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
