You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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