Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
