hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Less talking, more tequila
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
