she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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