wrigley field is MILF paradise
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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