margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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