I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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