16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
