I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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