Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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