im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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