I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
