sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
