if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
