What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
