I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
