Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
