I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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