Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
