I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
