I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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