I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no, he came in my armpit
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
