watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
