Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
