Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
