Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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