I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Quick, to the slutcave!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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