How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
