Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
