Do you still have your period?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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