I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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