You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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