He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
