Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
