So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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