I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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