Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
