They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
