highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
