I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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