All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
