U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
