worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
