Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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