dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
