I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
