I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
