It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
