So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
