He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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