so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
