mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love accidental penises.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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