It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
