i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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