I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
