im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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