I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
