One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
