He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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