How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize