Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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