i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
