yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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