There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
