So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
