is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
