My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
