Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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