man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
