Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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