no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
